Random Deaths of the Host Club
by Iikagen Yume
Summary: The title says it all. on hiatus
1. Lotion, batteries, and a photograph

Disclaimer: I didn't make up these deaths I got them from them from evil berzerker (instead of it being the age you die its how many minuets until you die) and I don't own ouran high school host club, if I did then I wouldnt let the anime be so short. Also, this is my first fanfic so it might be, and most likely is, bad.

* * *

Kyouya was searching the internet when he came across a death prediction site. "A death prediction site? How stupid." he said, but curiosity got the best of him and he checked it out. It looked a bit interesting so he filled out the questions. 

1. Name: Kyouya

2. Age : 17

3. History of heart disease in family? No

4. Socially you are: Loner

5. Number of pets: 0

6. Do you wear a watch? Yes

7. Approximate Height: 70 inches

After he go done he clicked the button that said "predict!" and his prediction showed up. Kyouya: in 57 minuets you will perish under strange circumstances involving a gallon of lotion, two nine volt batteries, and a photograph of a bicycle.

"Thats the most idiotic thing I've ever heard..." he sighed as he turned off his computer. Study hall had just ended, and it was time for him to go to the club. Who knows what they might do without "mommy". As he walked in the door he could see that today they werent going to cosplay. "_Good,_" he thought, "_I'm not in the mood to cosplay._"

"Kyouya, those bothersome twins forgot to bring the new cosplay costumes from their mother so we cant do anything today..." Tamaki whined.

"It's not our fault. You called for them at six this morning . We didnt have time to get them." Hikaru and Kaoru said lazily.

"Awww I was looking forward to cosplaying... werent you Takashi?" Hunny asked.

"Yeah." Mori stated.

"Hey everyone, the clients are starting to arive," Haruhi pointing out the fact that some girls were standing at the door.

The day was just like any other day at the host club. Tamaki flattering his clients , Hunny and Mori eating cake and drinking tea with their clients , Hikaru and Kaoru doing their usual 'brotherly love' act, Haruhi talking with her clients , and Kyouya handling the clubs finances and scribbling on his notebook.

After the second 20-minute shift a brunette girl came up to Kyouya. "Umm... excuse me but I was wandering if you could tell me what this is..." she said kind of shyly.

Kyouya looked at her and then at the piece of paper, it was clearly an illusion picture . "Sure," he said taking the picture. He looked at it for a second, then realized that it was too dark in his corner. As he started walking toward a window he realized it was a 3-d bicycle. Then he stumbled over a bottle of lotion, and the two 9 volt batteries that he had in his pocket fell out, and he hit his head on them, knocking him unconscious . To his dismay the lotion had busted open and he drowned in it.

Everyone started running around screaming. Every client ran out of the 3rd music room as fast as they could.

"Oh my god! You killed Kyouya!" Hikaru yelled.

"You bastard!" Kaoru said under his breath.

"To think that Kyouya died under such random circumstances... why did he have two nine volt battery ?" Haruhi asked noticing the way he died,"Its kind of odd dont you think?"

"Kyouya!" Tamaki cried and turned into the drama king.

"Ooooo look at the last thing Kyouya looked at on his laptop!" Hunny exclaimed

Everyone went over to Hunny. "Death predictions? Why would Kyouya look up something that pointless ?" the twins said in unison .

"It's not like Kyouya to look up things like that." Tamaki said, now over Kyouyas death.

"Wonder if thats why he died?" asked Haruhi.

"Hey lets look and see what he rights in his notebook! I've always wondered what he puts down..." Hunny said, going over to the sobbing drama king and the lotion soaked Kyouya. He picked up the notebook, witch had not been damaged by the lotion, and read it out loud. "Today I found the most immature site ever. Apparently it predicts your death, but the way I'm supposedly supposed to die is somehow connected to lotion, battery , and a photo of a bicycle..." Hunny skipped some parts and started reading again "Ohh wow I just found some nine volt batteries what dumb luck."

Hikaru and Kaoru burst out laughing. "So it was a diary?!", Hikaru said while laughing .

"This is too much!", Kaoru exclamed.

"But wouldnt that mean that he _did_ die because of it?" Haruhi pointed out.

"Just because he died like that doesnt mean the site actually predicted his death... did it?" Hunny asked.

"I guess we have to test it out on something..." Tamaki said looking at the screen again.

"Like what? We cant use people case its real," Haruhi stated trying to cover up the fact she thought that it might be real.

"What about Tamaki's teddy bear," the twins said in a mocking tone,"I mean, who would want a thing that has no emotion?"

"You take that back about my teddy bear!" Tamaki yelled.

"Okay, we'll test it on Tamaki's teddy bear." Haruhi said taking the laptop from Hunny, and she started filling it out. "Name... uhh... Teddy bear... age...17... heart disease... no... socially you are... antisocial I guess... pets... zero... do you wear a watch... no... height... nine inches..." mumbled Haruhi.

"Haruhi! What are you doing?! Are you actually trying to kill my teddy bear?!" yelled Tamaki franticly.

"No, I'm just proving that this site doesn't actually kill people." Haruhi said in monotone. She looked back at the screen and clicked 'Predict !'.

"Noooo!" Tamaki yelled.

* * *

Well thats my attempt at a chapter so tell me what you think. Ohh and I dont have anything agenst Kyouya, but I thought that itd be funny to have the smart one gone first. (Plus I couldnt think of anything funny for Kyouya to do or say -.-) 


	2. Orange and strawberry smoothie

Disclaimer: I didn't make up these deaths I got them from them from evil berzerker (instead of it being the age you die its gonna be how many minuets until you die, and I might change them a little) and I don't own Ouran High School Host Club, if I did then I wouldn't let the anime be so short.

* * *

"Haruhi! What are you doing?! Are you actually trying to kill my teddy bear?!" yelled Tamaki franticly. 

"No, I'm just proving that this site doesn't actually kill people." Haruhi said in monotone. She looked back at the screen and clicked 'Predict !'.

"Noooo!" Tamaki yelled.

The page came up and it read Teddy bear: in 3 minuets you will die from wounds delivered by a blender after trying to make a smoothie.

"What? How can a teddy bear make a smoothie?" asked Hikaru.

"Does it matter?!" yelled Tamaki,"The site said my teddy bear's gonna die! Haruhi how could you do this to daddy's teddy bear!?"

"Milord, theres no possible way your teddy bear can die. I mean, its not even alive…" Kaoru said trying to calm down Tamaki.

"Teddy bears can die just like humans!" Tamaki yelled in the teddy bear's deffence. He was now hugging his teddy bear like his life depended on it.

"Lets just shove it in a drawer and take it out after ten minutes that way the teddy bear can't die!" Hunny said cheerfully.

"Yeah, that'll work," Haruhi said," if we can ever get Tamaki to let got of the bear…"

"Never! Ill never let go!" Tamaki was hugging his teddy bear tighter and tighter every second.

"Hey, Milord," said the twins, "if you keep squeezing the bear like that then the stuffing will come out."

"Ahh! I'm so sorry, teddy bear!" Tamaki sat his teddy bear on the couch seeing as it was the safest place in sight to put it. He then remembered Kyouya and glanced to where he died. "Hey, where's Kyouya?" Tamaki asked slowly.

"Huh?" Hikaru and Kaoru looked where Kyouya was supposed to be, but they only saw a puddle of lotion. Then they looked to the other host club members. Tamaki, Haruhi, and Mori was there, and Hunny must be after some cake. "That's a good question. The only people in here is the host club so no one could of taken Kyouy -" the twins were cut off.

CRASH! The host club turned to the kitchen, then they heard an ackward noise and a small 'Opps'.

Mori ran into the kitchen to see if Hunny was okay. The host club thought that they should go check on it too. Tamaki went to go pick up his teddy bear so nothing happened to it, but it wasn't there.

Tamaki ran to the kitchen and what he saw shocked him. There was stuffing everywhere if you didn't know better then you would have thought the host club tried a snow theme. There was a few strawberries and an orange next to the blender. Tamaki collected all of the stuffing and fabric and put it in a bag so he could get some one to try to fix it.

"Wah! I'm sorry Tama-chan! I thought your teddy bear would want to come with me while I made a drink!" Hunny cried,"But then your teddy bear fell in the blender and the orange dropped on the 'on' button while I was trying to get it!"

"Its okay, Hunny. We're just glad your okay," said Tamaki with a smile,"Besides, my teddy bear was getting dirty so I guess he can get cleaned now."

"Tamaki, you can allways find something good about anything, cant you?" Haruhi said.

"Hey, Hikaru, Kaoru can you fix my teddy bear?" Tamaki asked.

The twins looked at each other then back at Tamaki. "Umm… we could try…" they said hesitantly,"We've only ever fixed clothes, but its worth a shot…" They got a sewing kit and some fabrics laying around and took the bag that contained the disemboweled corpse of Tamaki's teddy bear. Kaoru whispered something to Hikaru and Hikaru nodded.

"Everyone could you go in the side room while me and Kaoru work on Milord's bear? We need to concentrate on the details and we cant do that with everyone looking over our shoulders." Hikaru stated.

With that every one went into the 'Waiting room'. After ten minuets Tamaki was pacing, Haruhi was reading, Mori was looking out the window, and Hunny was asleep on the couch. Ten more minuets passed when Kaoru finally opened the doors and and said,"Milord your bear is okay, here." He threw the bear wrapped in a package at Tamaki. Tamaki opened the package and it wasn't his bear, it couldn't't be his bear.

It had a stitch that ran through the left eye, and it had on a cameo vest. The fake teddy bear had on an eye patch over his left eye and the other eye was blankly looking at him. On top of that it had a little belt with a teddy bear-sized knife on it.

"This isn't my teddy bear! Where is it?!" Tamaki yelled clutching the bear in one hand an pointing the other at Kaoru.

"That is your teddy bear. That's the best we could do because there wasn't enough of the fabric for the teddy bears face so we had to use the left eyes fabric space, but it looked weird so we put an eye patch on. It still looked stupid so we put on the vest and belt." Kaoru explained.

Hikaru walked in and stood beside Kaoru "Yeah, look on the bright side, Milord," Hikaru said," you have an army teddy now."

"I don't want an army teddy I want my original teddy bear back!"

"… …… .. ….. .. …. …"

"Who was that?!" Tamaki yelled looking around the room.

"What do you mean 'who was that'?" Haruhi asked,"No one said anything."

"'No one said anything'?! Of course they did! Someone just said they were gonna kill me!" Tamaki screeched.

"Tama-chan are you okay?" asked Hunny looking up at Tamaki.

"No, Hunny, he's not," said the twins,"Milords finally lost it. His brain couldn't comprehend losing his teddy bear. Now he's hearing things."

"Yeah," said Mori.

"Are you all telling me you guys didn't hear anything?" Tamaki asked. Then he looked down at the army teddy. It was looking right back at him with a look of pure hatred, or as much as a blank look could look full of hate. "I know who it was!" Tamaki said,"It was the teddy bear!"

* * *

Sorry the chapter is so short I would have gone on, but I'm still trying to think of who to kill next, and this was the easiest place to stop. 


	3. Swiming with the fish

Disclaimer: I didn't make up these deaths I got them from them from evil berzerker (I did tweak them a bit though) and I don't own Ouran High School Host Club, if I did then I wouldn't let the anime be so short.

"Are you all telling me you guys didn't hear anything?" Tamaki asked. Then he looked down at the army teddy. It was looking right back at him with a look of pure hatred, or as much as a blank look could look full of hate. "I know who it was!" Tamaki said,"It was the teddy bear!"

"You've got to be kidding… You don't actually think the bear said something do you?" the twins said astounded by Tamaki's ignorence.

"Tama-chan have you gone mental?" asked Hunny worriedly.

"No! I'm serious! Look at it! Its got this weird expression!" Tamaki yelled holding up the teddy bear so that everyone could see it.

The teddies expression was its normal blank look. It just looked forward off into the distance looking bored out of its mind like always.

Tamaki glared at the bear, "WHATEVER!" he shouted at no one. He threw the teddy across the room into a dark corner, it landed with a muted thump.

"You could of at least thanked us for our time and effort…" Hikaru said under his breath.

" What?! You made a _monster_ that wants to kill me! Why would I _thank_ you two?!" yelled Tamaki, hearing Hikaru.

"Gee, thanks….", Kaoru shighed, looking off to a side.

"Uhh… Tamaki maybe we should go do something to take you mind off of things…" Haruhi suggested.

"Ohh! I know where we should go!", exclaimed Hunny,"We should go to the aquarium to see all the cool fish!"

"Sounds good," Kaoru stated, simi-interested.

"I've always wanted to go through one of those underwater tunnels," said Hikaru.

"Hmm… I guess so," Tamaki said hesitantly.

"Well, since everyone else is I'll go too…" sighed Haruhi.

"Yay!" Hunny started jumping around too excited to stay still. "Isn't this great Takashi?" he asked, grinning widely.

"Yeah," Mori stated.

"So witch aquarium should we go to?" Tamaki asked.

"Hmm, let's checkGoogle," sstated Haruhi, as she picked up Kyouya's laptop and searched for aquariums. "Hey I found one that's not far from here… Hakkeijima Aquarium in Yokohama."

"… Never heard of it, but okay," Hikaru and Kaoru said.

"Okay! To Hakkeijima!" yelled Tamaki. He got out his cell phone,"Yes, bring the limo to the south entrance of the school..." he said while walking out the door.

"Let's go!" Hunny exclaimed, running out of the room.

The rest followed closing the door behind them. The army teddy got up from the dark corner. "Good, those imbéciles are gone," the army teddy walked over to the chare Haruhi had been sitting in before they left. He looked at the lap top that was still open "Now, to get revenge. No one shreds Nou and gets away with it!" Nou screamed maniacly. (A/N: remember that Tamaki and Teddy are from france, so Nou (teddy) will be using french words) He got up the death predicting site,"I can't kill that parasite ennuyant, Hunny, just yet… No, I shall make him rue the day he let me fall in the blender!"grumbled Nou, while typing in some ones name and their details. Once he finished he pressed 'Predict!'. Nou read the results, "Aww too bad I cant see this, it looks like fun. The sève pauvre only has ten minuets so it doesn't really matter!" Nou laughed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Wow! I never thought an aquarium could be this big!" Hunny exclaimed, gawking at the aquarium holding his bun-bun.

"I can't belive its full of fish… wonder if they serve sushi there," Haruhi stated.

"Just think, if the tanks broke we'd all drown," Hikaru said mockingly.

"Hikaru, you know I hate to think about stuff like that!" Kaoru whined.

"Yeah, I know, but what if it _did_ break?" Hikaru grinned.

"You two twins, stop ruining our fun!" Tamaki yelled, pointing at Hikaru and Kaoru.

"Let's hurry up I wanna go home," Haruhi sighed.

"What should we look at first?" Mori asked.

"How 'bout the sucker fish? I hear that those are the biggest in the world," Hunny exclaimed , running around with his bun-bun.

"Umm sure…" Hikaru and Kaoru said in unison.

"Let's go already! Tims a waistin'," said Tamaki, leading the group in the aquarium.

0o0o0o0o0

"Finally! We found it! Milord, you arent very good with directions.." Hikaru sighed, resting an arm on Kaoru.

"Shut up!"

"Wow, they're huge!" gapped Hunny.

"Hey, Hunny, weres your bun-bun? Didn't you bring it with you," asked Kaoru.

"Bun-bun!" Hunny cried, looking around the room for it.

"Hey! There it is!" yelled Haruhi, pointing to the top if the sucker fishes tank. There it was just lying there on the rim, one stuffed leg in the water.

"I'll get it," Mori stated, some how jumping on the rim of the tank. The frame wobbled a bit, but Mori kept his balance. He was just about a foot away when he heard someone yelling.

"Hey, you! Get down from there! You'll get hurt," screamed a security officer, pulling out his walkie-talkie.

Mori looked at hem blankly and grabbed the stuffed bunny, and threw it to Hunny. "There-" he had lost his balance and fell in the tank. Fish surrounded him then after about thirty seconds they swam away, but there was no Mori to be found.

"Takashi! Takashi!" Hunny whaled.

"Umm what exactly just happened?" Kaoru asked Hikaru.

"I think Mori just got eaten by those sucker fish…" answered Hikaru, looking in disbelif at the fish tank.

"Lets go get our things from the music room and go home. Mori probably just swam to the to the side of the tank and is on his way home rite now," Haruhi said comfortingly to Hunny.

"Kay…"

0o0o0o0o0o0

They walked in the Music room and got there things, but something caught Haruhis eye. " Hey guys get over here!"

The host club looked at the screen it read "Mori: In 10 minuets you will fall into a tank at a large aquarium and be eaten by sucker fish."

The room filled with gasps.

"What? But we locked the door on out way out…" Tamaki said.

"So, someone broke in?" the twins asked in unison.

"They didn't have to! It must have been that wretched teddy!" Tamaki yelled, pointing to the corner witch he had flung it in earlier.

For those of you who dont know frence...

Nou's Vocabulary:

imbéciles - fools

Nou - short for teddy in french (nounours)

parasite ennuyant - annoying pest

sève pauvre - poor sap

Thanks for the reveiws! I'm very sorry about not updating sooner. The reason that I didn't is because my computer account was down for a while, and I couldn't continue the story on my parents account, because they think I'm obbsesed about death for some reason… I have no clue why... I also went on a trip to New York for a few days and it threw my sleeping system out of wack, and stuff kept getting in the way…

Also I've been trying to get my scanner working. Ohh, and sorry about the ending I got lazy and wanted to get the chapter finished (and because I a small surgery earlier today) if I made any mistakes on the french blame bablefish, because I wont be taking french 'till next year. I might not update for a while, because exams are next week, and the whole who to kill next thinggie.

I'm probably gonna make the next chapter the last chapter where everything is concluded(or where everyone elses dies) Its gonna be long!(…I hope -.-) Ohh, and Im starting a new story too…


	4. Sorry: Updated

Okay, I'm really sorry but I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this story. I want to get done with it, but every time I try to finish the fouth chapter it just seems horribly ooc, and I dont want to put something like that up. Im sorry I didnt put this up sooner, but I never got around to it. I'm goint to watch the series again for inspiration, and hopefully it'll get me to write the rest of the chapters.

Also, for everyone who reveiwed, favored, and alerted my story, thank you! It makes me really happy that people liked my Fanfic!

Edit:

This story is going to remain unfinished. I pretty much gave up on it a few years ago, due to lack of motivation. I'm really sorry to everyone who liked it.


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